OMG YASSS 2013

omgyass2013

A lot of crazy went down in 2013. Here’s a list of Dirty Cult’s favorite things and moments. In no particular order…

1. Beyoncé’s Surprise Album

beyonce-s-self-titled-album-stays-at-billboard-200-s-no-1The internet almost broke when this happened. Some of us were barely recovering from Scandal‘s mid-season finale shocker on Friday the 13th eve when all of a sudden this gift from the industry gods appeared on iTunes. Just like that. No promo. No leading single. At the time, all you could get was the ‘Visual Album’ bundle that included 14 songs and 17 videos. Individual tracks became available on Dec 20th, and the album is being physically sold at multiple retail stores (except Target and Amazon, I think). Yoncé’s 5th studio album has already sold more than 1 million copies worldwide. No other pop star can say that this year. This album is quite different from anything she’s released so far. It’s not just a dance album this time. She talks about feminism and drunk sex with Jay-Z and feeling a little “Jealous” sometimes. It’s pretty raw. You should give it an actual listen. Iz good. Watch this video for one my fave songs in the album, “Drunk in Love.”

2. Miley Cyrus 2.0

This girl got a lot of attention in 2013, both good and bad. It all started with the summer release of her first single off Bangerz, ‘We Can’t Stop.’ People were super upset because homegirl used African-American back-up dancers in her music video. You’d think inclusion in 2013 would be widely accepted, but apparently it really only suggests cultural appropriation, and that’s a terrible thing to do. Then she got naked and rode a ‘Wrecking Ball’ and made out with a sledgehammer to announce to the world that she had, indeed, broken her engagement with Liam Hemsworth. Terry Richardson took a bunch of mildly pornographic pictures of her. She held Arizona purple drank in one of them. Bangerz dropped and became #1 almost everywhere, which made Lady Gaga and Katy Perry consider early retirement. She blurred all the lines at the VMA’s and sparked multiple conversations about double standards, feminism, and white people’s birthright to twerk. Sinead O’Connor sent unsolicited advice, but Miley was not into it at all and things got kinda nasty. Miley also got nominated for Person of the Year by TIME magazine, but she didn’t win. The pope did because the world needs a hero. But anyway, we can’t deny that 2013 was a big year for her. And the world loved every minute of it.

3. Supreme Court Overturns DOMA and Prop 8

The LGBTQA community had a few major wins this year too. This past June the U.S. Supreme Court finally realized that banning sex-same marriage is unconstitutional. After their amazing discovery, they voted to finally overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, the infamous bill that has kept so many people from being unhappily married. Prop 8 was also struck down that day. We’re all very proud of you, Cali. Just stop taking steps back and all will be well.

In other related news… Utah, one of the most conservative states in the universe, has now made it legal for people of all sexual orientations to get married too! Go, Utah! Special shout out to Illinois for also doing this (although we’re not as surprised). Are you taking note, Texas?

Also, The Satanic Temple performed a “Pink Mass” over the grave of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.’s mother, an act that’s supposed to turn her corpse (and soul?) gay. Read more about it HERE. Marriage for everyone!

4. Sky Ferreira Gets Arrested for Heroin

sky-ferreira-mugshot-608x447Everyone loves a juicy scandal every now and then, but no one thought that this would be the way that Sky Ferreira would debut as a pop star in 2013. It was quite iconic actually. She was with her boyfriend, that guy from DIIV, when it happened. They both were found guilty of carrying idk how many hits of heroin. Sky says it was one of those “I was in the wrong place at the wrong time” type of things, but whatever. She spent the rest of her time this year promoting her Ghost EP, finalizing her debut album, Night Time My Time, and touring with Vampire Weekend, though she had to cancel a few shows because she got sick at some point. Anyway, she totes landed a gig as Miley’s opening act during next year’s Bangerz tour! I’m so turnt up y’all don’t even know. Girl has been working really hard for a really long time, and so it does kinda suck that this single act directed so much negative attention towards her. On the bright side, she got her name out there and did fairly well selling records. We’re gonna miss her blond hair so much though.

5. War on Christmas

TV news are totally bananas. I don’t know how people still watch them and consider that stuff ‘fact.’ Like I truly worry for the future of America. What is the ‘War on Christmas’? you ask… Well, it must be the liberals, muslims, Jews and atheists all conspiring together to ruin Christmas for CNN anchorwomen, and children that watch CNN (or was it FOX?).  It all started with a few corporations upgrading their seasonal ads by replacing the word Christmas with the word Holidays, but things have gotten so out of hand lately that people are beginning to challenge Jesus and Santa’s whiteness! The nerve! What’s next? Christmas during summer? We’re looking at you, Australia! Stop trying to convince us that having a blast at the beach is somehow better than shopping aimlessly in subzero weather. It’s not going to happen. Watch this CNN lady freak out about America’s demise:

6. American Horror Story: Coven

Surprise, Bitch

This new season of AHS is full of wonderful. All the girls from the previous seasons (except for the mom from S1) come back for this new chapter. Emma Roberts joins them playing Madison Montgomery, a spoiled Hollywood starlet bitch from hell. We live for her. Gabourey Sibide and Kathy Bates are in it too. So guud. As you should know by now, this season is about a group of young witches in New Orleans that are just not getting along with the Voodoo people. Some sort of ancient grudge or something. There’s also a witch hunt happening, but we’re more interested in finding out who the next Supreme will be. We’ll have to wait a few more weeks for the second half of the season to start, but in the meantime you seriously need to catch up. You’ll love it too.

7. Lorde’s Debut

lorde-pure-heroine-410She’s only like 17 years-old, but she’s already a lot more successful that most millennial babies. I’m sure you’ve heard her super smash hit single “Royals.” It’s nominated for a Grammy. I love how she ironically became pop royalty with it. She’s like the Katniss of pop stars. I wonder if this is the kinda buzz she says she craves. Lorde’s debut album, Pure Heroine, is really short but really solid, but I wouldn’t pay $30-$85 to see a 30 minute set at some fancy music venue. How come she didn’t play any of those $15-$20 shows at cute but important and smaller places? I guess no one will ever know. Lorde thought it’d be cute to release a “secret” single on the same night as Beyoncé, but it probably wash’t the smartest move even though the track is actually pretty cool. Haven’t heard it? Here it is:

8. The Year of Comebacks:

  • Justin Timberlake/N’SYNC: He released TWO albums and invited all his friends to perform with him at the VMA’s. It was super heartwarming.
  • Avril Lavigne: Yeah, she married Chad Kroeger, but don’t hold it against her! She’s still super rock and roll and hew new self-titled album is actually not terrible.
  • Daft Punk: They teased the shit out of us during the Spring, but they eventually released the best Summer jam ever and a super funky new album. Well done.
  • Panic! at the Disco: LOL. So many feels. 15-year-old me is really happy about this.
  • Fall Out Boy: They literally burned their old identity and came back with a new sound/brand. Still not sure how it makes me feel.
  • Cher: The queen of all queens is back and working with my favorite drag queens. YASSS mama!
  • Pharrell: He engineered most of your favorite songs this year. He’s timeless and cool.
  • David Bowie: I don’t think people were satisfied with his new material, but his aging fans are always super supportive.

9. Liam Payne’s Almost Nudes

So, this happened…

liam

He must have gone through puberty this year or something bc omg. You really need to go on Tumblr and search for #LIAM2013 pictures like now.

Honorary Mentions: Dylan Sprouse’s leaked nudes on Twitter & Alexander Skarsgard going full frontal on True Blood.

10. Bound  3

Kanye West made a super awkward video with his baby mama, Kim Kardashian, for the single “Bound 2,” one of the tracks on Yeezus. Kim makes weird faces and Kanye rides her and his motorcycle through a fake desert. I know, right? Super awkward. But don’t worry! There is a cure for that sort of trauma. It’s called “Bound 3,” and it’s basically a shot-by-shot reenactment by Seth Rogen and James Franco. Mindy Kaling calls it “THE post Thanksgiving gather-the family-round-the-laptop viewing.” They do all the same weird shit, but like not for realskies. It’s so so good.

Make sure you check out #WTF2013 for a list of our least favorite things and moments this year!

wtf2013

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One response to “OMG YASSS 2013

  1. Pingback: #WTF2013 | Dirty Cult·

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