Good morning non-upper east siders, Dirty Cult here. Your one and only source into the scandalous life of entertainment’s elite. The most epic scripted TV series about the 1% since The O.C. has finally come to an end. And with it, all my dreams. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t shed an actual, real life, tear when Kristen Bell said the infamous “You know you love me, XOXO” line at the end of the very last episode ever. She even had a cameo appearance next to Rachel fucking Bilson (DYING HERE)! Gossip Girl was like Sunday mass to me. It was the only thing that was constant in my life. No matter how much friend-hopping I did during high school, no matter how many drunken nights of mistakes I chose to forget, Gossip Girl was always there for me, reminding me that my peasant life would never be that crazy. Blair’s drama was always exponentially more intense than mine; Everyone’s life on that show was, really. It was almost like queen B was challenging me to outdo her week by week. How could I possibly keep up, though? I didn’t have a gay dad or a super ultra famous and filthy rich designer mom to give me any sense of legitimacy.
I still remember the first episode like it aired yesterday. I remember they played “Young Folks” at the very beginning as Gossip Girl‘s voiceover introduced us to the universe we were about to be submerged into. I was only mildly upset by the fact that an indie band had gotten their song on a CW show. Blake Lively looked amazing as Serena Van der Woodsen, I thought. She was the only one who wasn’t a total random because she had been in that Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie with Alexis Bledel. I was also a big Gilmore Girls fan right around that time. Something about TV shows with the word “girl” in it… except for New Girl. Zooey Deschanel can suck a couple of big ones. I’m sure she does anyways. I digress. I was really excited that the popular girls at school embraced Gossip Girl. There was finally some common ground between us, I thought. Some of the best conversations of my teenage years happened over Blair and Serena drama, the contest between Nate, Chuck and Dan for the title of “the hottest guy in Gossip Girl,” and debating whether the girl behind the website could be Dorota or Little J.
Gossip Girl wasn’t always a great show, I must admit. Seaons 3 and 4 were hard to watch. Rufus had an illegitimate child? Bitch, please. That story line was dead before it even came to life. Georgina went Christian? The devil can’t be contained, hunty. Ivy Dickens? Really? I counted her out at the end of Season 4, then Serena had to bring her back for Season 5 and somehow she snuck her way into Season 6. Why? Why keep her and not Jenny? or Vanessa? Did you guys know Blake Lively wanted the writers to kill Serena because she was, like, so over it? Serious talk. I’m glad they didn’t, though, because it would have been The O.C. drama all over again. And nobody wants that, right Mischa? There were way too many things on the show that never made any sense, but I understand that nothing is perfect. And aren’t imperfections what makes things perfect anyway? Gossip Girl was beautiful because she was flawed, just like the rest of us. I committed to her when I was only seventeen. And when I commit to something, it’s serious. I had to watch it the whole way through no matter how dumb each new episode was getting. And now it’s finally over. Done. Hasta la vista, Niña Chismosa.
For now, let’s be thankful that Leighton Meester wasn’t that serious about a singing career (Fun fact: real life Little J, Taylor Momsen, formed a zombie rock band called The Pretty Reckless. She makes me wanna die.), that Chuck and Blair will live happily (in jail) ever after, that Dan Humphrey pretty much won at life, and that Rufus found a Megan Mullally lookalike to date. Oh yeah, Blake Lively is now married to Ryan Reynolds, Ed Westwick can finally audition for more things, and Nate Archibald no longer has to prove that some pretty rich boys are really just pretty rich boys. I’m going to miss Gossip Girl so so much.
You know you love her, XOXO
- Dirty Cult
P.S. Have you checked out Revenge? Obsessed! It’s like if The O.C. and Gossip Girl had a murderous, vindictive child. Loves it.